One Thousand Six Hundred Something

FUCK
And I didn't plan on this
At all
NO
Sorry, I planned on not 
Existing

Helplessly lured by my 
Typing fingers 
I rescued a wandering world
Binge-thinking
Guns under pillows
And life still and meditating

Nonsense prevailed and
Drove North with creativity
On-wards, men 
We cannot rest
After so much sleeping

My Socks Are Wet

And I thought it was the opposite
Of dropping bombs
Elegant cascades of nothing
Overused magic tricks slighting
My eyes in your direction

Standing against you
Back to the rain
Neck dripping white petals 
Of Lucifer's tears 

I ask
Do you know why 
My socks are wet?

You knew it was all 
Fine and dandy 
That I would do anything 
If you had looked through my windows
Once more

I Guess You Could Call Me Lucky

I will not walk the streets

Handing out flyers

To strangers 

To make quite sure they know 

I once loved you

If I am anything but

Tired

I am awake at all hours

To shoo away the flies

Buzzing at my brain

I deny my body what it is 

Made of

And I sometimes piss blood

In honor of your leaving

That is no reason to

Remember my time

Cutting to pieces the tools

That used to 

In search of reconciliation 

With our affections 

To have known even a little existence

As we laid over my bed sheets 

And never under

I guess you could call me lucky

But I prefer to call it

Abuse

By the Time I Found You

Two dogs on a porch
Talking nonsense 
Animal sounds and infusions 
Of lustful wondering 

I turned red and then 
I turned to you

The graceful day of sitting
Lost of grace 
Demeaning 
All the same we stood
Sitting

Days and hours passed
Between a few places here and there
Mostly nowhere-
Oblivion

The dogs were fed
They came around every other day
So I could wash my hardened 
Book cover
Without growing rust over 
Their many lost paths

But the rain grew stale
Buckets in a row stacked-
Filled
The catch of it was not me

The graceful day of sitting
Came to us wrapped in blue
Only two months after ordering 
Paying extra for express
Shipping  

The dogs stayed away in fear 
Of fleas or perhaps
It was the medicine they gave 
Me

We held still long enough
To nearly not move
Smoking the flavor of watermelon 
Out of a water dispenser
Two dogs without owners

I turned red then 
I turned to you

We breathed mouth to mouth
Together
No life rejected

And I thought to myself
When we are young and 
Gray
This will be a lovely story to tell 
No one 

Retrogressing-
And I, your youthful fountain
With eyes wide open
Glassed over
By the time I found you

Refusal X Refusal = A Change Of Heartbeat

Sleeping in a dark purple chair

Two months ago

I miss you

On your lips

And I forever un-moving

Rashly the chair decided to slit me

And slip me 

Unyieldingly

To the hard purple floor

Where its color drained

And the absence took your place

Dormant we stand on opposite ends

Of our main street

Furrowing our long-hearted impressions  

Motioning and waving

But you soaked the color up

With a roll of paper towels

And repainted that phase of unfeeling 

Sitting viciously on the imprint 

Of my face

For looking ahead-

You can't blame me

Tea With a Stranger

Red raspberry tea
Rasping coughing unbelieving 
In the middle of a quiet theater
Abyss around a white TV screen
Zooming up to catch the speech

Phallic limbs sliding out
Grabbing
Reaching 
For my liberty
To tell you how I feel
As the couch creeps up from beneath

Dressed in infamy
We wander
Ponder
To no avail 

My veil is lowered in mourning
Of the death of your heart
Seats all taken up-
No room for me

Poetry In Soggy Water

My cheeks turn inside-out with the confusion-

Red 

The slighted words slipping 

Past

Ripples in the seventy-one percent

Water-filled planet

Out of that many particles

I choose the words that appear

To fit best

Voices speaking too far ahead of my 

Sensory perception 

But it is not me

Who should be cowering in fear;

In embarrassment from ignorance

Bulging, shiny men with pen 

And paper

Coursing the lines printed for simpletons

With their phallicies and cuntinuations 

Of one syllable words-

The most rudimentary poems  

I smile:

Turn it down a tad

As you wish, darling

Yes, please turn is down

Out of my mind's ear holes

And thought holes

And electric burning wires

I pray to God

That I had never heard 

That bullshit

BLIND

He cannot feel with his eyes
The pearls around her pale neck
On the cotton fibers weeping
Gentle breaths up and down

He cannot feel
The pulsating sink of every heart-aching
Beat
Of her disappointment
On those lovely days when she
Believes

He cannot touch with hands
Or ears
The clawing in her throat
To block the coming-up of golden memories
Turned gray and mocking

Lying still;
A child in a womb-
She drowns out the patience

He cannot see
That the strobe-light guilt she endures
Is in honor of the past moments
When she thought they would not be
But they were

All he reaches is the angry
Pleads
And written whispers

WET

Simmering, melting snow
Cloudy
Filled with ecstasy 
About to burst

Two beds pushed together
I guess we aren't alone
After all

Two for one and we
Become one
Bulging nightmarish creature
Lusting in secrecy 

Children hiding beneath the covers
Finding hidden
Shiny things
Those children became adults
And that once shiny thing
Became weak and unsatisfied 

Dull-luster machine
Can't find the crumbs I left 
The night before
I try and vacuum away the tears

Sex is vicious and wanton 
A vagrant of the mind
Rapture in curves 

My exit is rather unfair

With hot bread slid into the oven 
And out- 
Cold and stale

Whispers of eaten 
Devoured
"Alone"
Passionlessly covered in wet
Leaving me soon to drown

Still Here

Three years ago 

Nearly four

A silver automobile

Glistening in the heat

Nearly four

Hours from the sunlight

Lit in agony

I listened intently

Nearly halfheartedly

To carousels 

Laying placidly on the burning

Backseat

Making art with my blood

Stains

You are not you

You are everyone else

This house

Its halls

I paced and wallowed 

On its floors

The harsh rugs a gaze 

Away from my eyelashes 

Faded pinks and golds 

Mostly blue

A tub filled with my salty waters

Never drained but the plug

Always pulled

Close on intent

School work and books came

Devoid of human emotions

Leaving me shiny and clean-

Shaven

I was too cold

I was me

I was not everyone else

Then you wandered by this house

Where three years ago I sat

Outside in my father's car

Hoping it was not

Permanent

You wandered past and let me know

But I was stuck in my salty bath

So we planned for tomorrow

Always leaving space for maybe

And I was not expecting you

At all

But you were here

Nearly halfheartedly 

Seven ebbing hours 

On my porch and

On the rocking-bench

A month in consequence as lovers

A month later needing repair

Four days more 

Listening to the same song

I painted to in the hot backseat

On the non-existent telephone

I imagine your voice

Hello?

Yes, I am still here

After all it is the same

Home

And you are the only one in it

STAGNANT

Slave labor to be done
Open books and open pages
Sticky notes and ink stains
Bed covers tilted 

Humans in their words to
Unravel 
Meanings and sun burns
Hot in anticipation

Debussy by my side to 
Help me sleep
Injecting calm 

Dreams of city houses
Pink covering white
Families I do not belong in
Physical contact inching away 
Schoolmates in a daze

Waking to the sound of typing
Picnic blanket pillows
Eating off of my slumber
Closed books and closed pages
Dirty skin and broken wine glasses  

Debussy's piano fingers 
Finger through my brain 
Lightly, softly
Tranquil acceptance of Melatonin

Instamatic insomnia panoramas 
On my bloody sheets
Where my love had been 
And now removed 
A doctor standing over me

I situate what is left in the mess
Of crumbled papers and jet-black
I lock onto the photographs 
Taking their once prominent emotions
Back 

Selfish intrigues with past relations
I am no part of their disguise 
Hiding my life from me 
No one suspecting I am wise to their
Fallacies 
They talk behind and before me
Sit and stir their coffees 

Stir me while you are 
At it
I have become quite stagnant
Resting here with the memory 
Of you

Debussy

Swirling my feet in a tub of

Frozen strawberries 

Ice cold relations with the 

Inevitable floor

Lovely flavors do not last

Forever

The refrigerator is empty 

The children are feasting

On plastic and rubber dolls

Do not forget it is all

A breath-taking scene

Us together in the park

Me on the table and you standing around

Pacing and sitting

Silent echoes from smile to smile

Skin and faces

Dancing at your touch 

Who would have ever thought 

That passing by

Meant so much

Ear Itch

Sorry, scratch that
I could not hear you
Properly
Say it again

Water ripples in my ears
Wavelets form around my lobes
And caress and glow
In a sinking
D
r
o
w
n
i
n
g
Sensation 

I hear the absence of pulses
Past
That spoke and retorted 
Little white lies and lustful
Favors

All and forever an illusion
You wonder
I say welcome to my world
We are merely a Salvador Dali
Painting

Colors and sanction
In pinprick words
Inverted speech
Body language only imagined
Through the no replies
And foggy distance 

I will not ever
Hear your voice again 

The Wall

Take it down!
Crash it down!
Burn it down!
They mock me, tempt me

A sly few weave through the 
Microscopic cracks left
For breathing
Left
Just in case

They worm their way into my heart
They eat it out to the core
They swear they are done
Then eat some more

Slowly I replace the meat
But meat comes at a price
Time and coldness make it up
Plaster it well

I am the worker
I have no slaves

No money could keep a person
Tied down on such a cold
Hard surface 
In the middle of a snowfall

People are here
To remind me I am not
O.K. 

MAYBE

A life that may be,
Floating around in the ether-
In the space between the spoons
And forks
Near the dining room table

Unsanitary utensils that create 
Within emotions
Vapor drifting next to me
A ghost that walks just so
Behind me

Religious revivals 
Reviving in us the possibilities
Our ancestors wandered 
And God shows himself more readily 
Than you

On the tip of your tongue
On the tips of your fingers
Your nails carve into my heart
"Maybe"

Comfortably Melon

Hello

Frothy odor of Kiss-Me

In my kitchen parlor

Rocking back in forth

In my mind

Leaving staying leaving

Staying 

A perfectly melon atmosphere 

Waiting to be opened 

One distant

Christmas morning

Pick a number between

One and ten

Less is yes

More is no

Keeping me wrapped up

In a giant mason bottle

Let me out

Against the wall and

Lips

That move without speaking

Hands 

That feel without feeling

Melon melon mine

Comfortably beside you

In and around you

In front and behind you

Smoke from you to me

Love that's never free

Comfortably numb

God, This is All

No rhymes no embellishments;
Pictures on a metal table
Do I know these people
Do I know that one 
Front and center

Red strings 
Blue veins 
In straight line directions
To each photograph 
Of everyone I once
Had

If I sit I will stay
If I wash my face with water
I will go
With a last meal of tiny
Swirls
Of tiny deli sandwiches

I pray to contradict my atheism 
For the hope that my flesh 
Doesn't too soon melt away
In short, for you;
In short, for me

Because 
Every time I see that blanket
I remember how much you loved it
And yearn that 
If I wrapped myself in it
I would be your tiny deli sandwich  

BUSY

Feet and noise and 

Irreparable motion lingering

On your every word

Of silence

Men in masks

Minuscule little white mouth-pieces 

Blinding angels of death

Two small children pulling

Tugging 

Tufts of hair from a doll

"Give it back!"

Give it back

Oh please give death back

To me

I understand 

We are all simply

Too busy

 

Makes You Memorable

I can paint a beautiful picture,
But you won't want to look into it;
I can make beautiful music with you,
But you won't want to listen to it

I've tried writing this letter
Now
Several times before
I'll tell you now that living
Has become somewhat a chore
And following their rules is such
A god-forsaken bore

Death is like a song I sing

I'm thinking of retrogression,
About going back to my best friend
Blasted, acid, F-asterisks;
See, couldn't he say he may
Crash;
It is fit to replay 
D-Day ashes

If you feel like their plan
Does not
Fit us all-

With all respect-
All of us are over it

There are no phones
Ringing
No one speaking
When you are alone

It feels like there is no
Reason 
To keep breathing
If I'm going to be alone;

You know,
You know-

I guess I'm a psycho 
Couldn't endure to save me
Sorry to get carried away
I try to contain it;

You said you'd 
Never
Ever 
Break
Down
But here I am sweeping
Pieces off of the ground

I've spent
All
Night
Long
Scared of tomorrow;
I broke my alarm 

Everything is 
Almost
Lost
Pick it up slow
Before it's gone
Gone

I never thought I'd be so fragile
(You're not alone)
If it didn't
Break
Before, it's about to-

I'm fragile.

Tell me that you love me,
Always thinking of me;
Unconditional
I'm hoping I'm your favorite-
Putting my heart and soul 
In these lines

Stop.

Other Than Ours

Rain washes and soothes
Inside the tubes connected 
To my blood-flow

Alphabetizing my pulses
You in the first
Row
Watching with eyes closed
Blacking out under my smiles
And my words of tender
Remorse 

Waving a dance through the red
Curtains 
Hiding and seeking
You're there and nowhere
Craving

Over my dead body 
Stone-dead stare 
Losing thoughts under my skin
My skin taking and giving nothing
In return

Rain permeating
Down on you on me
Through my ceiling 

There is no bond
Other than ours

Dead Ends (Continued/Began Again)

Four 

                                            Arms intermingled- 

Fourteen

                                            Wishes-

Fourteen

                                            Denials-

                                            The breeze was almost

                                            Missable 

                                            Your words were clear

No rhymes or embellishments

No sooner on your lips than

Fingers

                                    Victim blue with circumstance

                                    Engulfing me in your tide

                                    Tidings and farewells

                                    Stained

You hide them beneath the carpet

Thinking no one can see

                                            Tap tap tap

                                            On your pains

                                            On your window

All mirrors where

You can look into my eyes

And I only see you staring at the wall

                                            Tap tap tap

                                            On the sidewalk

                                            In your moccasins

I miss you,

You miss me:

Different directions

And I suppose that's why we

Never connect

                                            Tap tap tap

                                            Two months are gone

Like anyone else we stay

On course

Merely hoping to cross paths;

Me in my books

And you in your labor

                                            Producing what others

                                            Will

                                            But what is purely 

                                            Yours?

Swimming and laughing and drowning

Because drowning means

No one can hear;

Cut the ears off your foes

But leave me be

                                                                                                                Tap tap tap

                                            Here again without

                                            Results

Is happiness a warm gun

Or a best friend?

Blindly aimed at a target non-existent 

The goal either round-about

Or narrow-minded 

                                            Tap tap tap

                                            Here to remind you

                                            The world has felt 

                                            This

Four

                                           Seasons in a month:

                                           

                                           The Spring in all 

                                           Our ecstasy,

                                           The Summer in all

                                           Our Heated illusions,

                                           The Fall in all

                                           Our bruised knees,

                                           The Winter in all

                                           Your cold indifference

Fourteen

                                        Broken promises:

                                        The world is ours to keep

                                        In your bed alone;

                                        Everything you hate

                                        About yourself 

                                        Is what I love

                                        Give me your hands,

                                        I like them-

                                        I got kisses like this-

                                        Then like this-

                                        But now it's this,

                                        Which I prefer

                                        (You can't let go 

                                         of the past)

                                        I don't know about that-

                                        

                                        If you don't live

                                        You will never know-

                                        You put your legs

                                        Around me;

                                        I don't know how I feel

                                        About that

                                        Anything goes-

                                        I can't tell if it is 

                                        You

                                        Off-step or me

                                        No expiration date;

                                        I don't do flings

                                        Anything for you-

                                        Your happiness is my

                                        Obligation

                                        I will see you then;

                                        It wont be long

                                        (Only a lifetime)

                                        Sometimes words don't

                                        Do the job properly-

                                        (Let me kiss you)

                                        I won't let you fall

                                        Here, see-

                                        (Ouch)

Fourteen

                                           Points in a solution:

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love

                                           Love