ate my heart

convulsing on the side of the road
sitting 
sad ass on the thin white
line
like the thin white
line
will walk away with another
girl
if I walk back home

every time you become
that other girl
another one
walks away with your 
thin white line

so I sat for an
hour or so
that one Thursday 
wishing that asshole
Andrew would want to sit 
with me

I can't handle 
you
wanting to see me
all the time

so, unfaithful to
his promise
to give 'us' back 
to me
he ate my heart
slowly and unbalanced 

a cannibal doesn't 
know
they are a cannibal 
and I suppose
like an addiction 
they can't resist 
the meat

the sun was hot
finally
walking back

in my room I 
stood in front of 
my medium-sized
oval mirror

I slipped my prom 
dress
over my head 

red and black
dead flowers

the furniture polish 
burned my nostrils
but down my throat 
it slit the black
with numbing 
light

passed out on my bed
mind swimming
literally

if I moved my feet 
I realized I had feet
and they felt
odd
as if I was spinning
or walking
or running
in circles 

in and out
of this state
like an illegal
immigrant 
I made myself
believe 
I was paralyzed 

sleep arrested me
the law caught up
with the rancid
taste 
under my tongue

but I never died
I never did anything
but shit furniture polish

I was a walking
unstable 
laxative

even then I would
go on for another 
month 
smothering
Andrew with what I 
forced into us
as love

and then I found
it was me who
ate my heart